FLCL Returns!
by Suckerpunch
Summary: FLCL Returns! Ok, Haruko comes back, she has to fix Canti, a stalker and a world killer get thrown in the mix and you have the horrid piece of crap that is this. Please R&R Thanks and stuff like that. -COMPLETE!-
1. Reunion

Disclaimer: Hey, first fanfic er whatever you call it, I don't own any of these characters. Thanks!  
  
Reunion  
  
Naota is lying on his bed, just about asleep, half staring at the cleaning half wondering why Canti broke down, where Haruko is, what's going on with his brother and Mamimi, and just wondering why his crotch is starting to itch.  
"Hey Ta kun, anything comeouttaya for head lately?"  
Naota sits up suddenly and bangs his head on the top bunk. He looks up and sitting there is Haruko, suddenly returned after two years of absence. At first Naota is a surprised happy mix, then his feelings turn sour, and you know how he hates sour stuff.  
"Haruko, um what are you doing back here?"  
"Evil Alien business kid. Besides you've looked so mope ever since I left and Canti broke and bladdya bladdy blah. Here let me fix a few things."  
Haruko bounds from the top bunk and takes back her guitar and runs down the stairs looks around.  
"Where is it, did they get rid of it, maybe they ate him."  
"What in the world are you talking about?" ,Naota asks seeing that Haruko hasn't changed at all. Then the bracelet points to a closet and Haruko smashes the door causing the famous bass sound, and also revealing the broken Canti.  
"FOUNJA!" and with that Haruko delivered a bone-crushing smack to the head with the bass of her bass. Canti flies out the wall of the closet and the out the wall of the kitchen. Similar yet fainter crashes can be heard for a few minutes and then...  
"WHAT IN THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?", "Wow, I hope that works otherwise my ass is done for, " "ARE YOU INSANE I MEAN YOU JUST KNOCKED DOWN OUR WA," "I really hope it works because if it don't he's gona come after me again," "LL AND OTHER PEOPLES WALLS YOU MIGHT HAVE KILLED SOMEONE!" Then Kamon comes out of his bedroom in his birthday suit and sees Naota and Haruko, or well I should say Naota was in his line of vision but all he really saw was Haruko.  
"Ah Haruko I see you have,"  
  
"Ya, he'll really kick my ass I mean blow up the whole fucking  
planet,"  
"AND WHATS WITH THE HOLES IN OUR YARD AND HOW ARE WE GONA PAY FOR ALL  
THAT,"  
"returned to us I'm really glad that you came back the place has been  
a mess since you,"  
"and he'll bring the brain eating goats, and the killer ants, and the  
fire breathing bulls,"  
"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO HERE ANYWAY,"  
"left I mean Canti took care of it for a while but he broke himself  
trying to cook curry bread. So have you come to work for us again  
Harukoson?  
"and the piglet from bowels of Hell, and the turd from the Bowel  
Movements of Hell, and the Grapes of Wrath, or maybe just an army or  
maybe they'll just flip us all off."  
"BESIDES THE LAST TIME YOU WERE HERE ROBOTS CAME OUTTA MY HEAD!"  
(Ok break time, confused? Thought so, OK lets recap, Naota's balls  
itched, Haruko returns, she starts smacking around the broken Canti,  
and all hell breaks loose in the conversation you just read where they  
all talked at once and all ended at nearly the same time with Naota's  
comment being heard very clearly, the I put some parentheses and said  
"Ok break time confuses? Thought so, OK lets recap, Naot...)  
  
Haruko slowly turns her head and looks at Naota, "You wanna have  
it happen again?"  
  
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	2. The Search Begins

Mark: Hi, how's it goin? This is the second chapter in FLCL Returns! Just to warn you I don't own FLCL or any of these characters. Reviews are appreciated.  
  
The Search Begins  
  
"So, you wanna have it happen again?" Man was that a joke, why would I want giant robots popping outta my head again? That's what I said to the evil alien, the house keeper, the supposed 19 year old, that's what I said, to Haruko. "So, Naota, what's up. Your feeling bad aren't you?" "No Ninomori I'm not sick." "Are you sure cause you look sick?" "Christ will you just but out?" It's been like this all day, Naota thought, people have been asking why I've been "acting so weird" or if I'm "feeling well." "They should all just shut up." Ninamori leans over irritated, "Say what Naota?" "Nothing." The two were standing outside of the principles office, Naota had been sent there for 'coping an attitude' or something gay like that. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH BLAMMMMM!!!!!!!! The wall had been knocked down by a yellow vespa. Haruko storms through the new entrance to the school.  
"Ta-kun? Where are you Ta-kuuuuun!"  
"HARUKO? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?"  
"Oh Ta-kun, come with me we gotta find that useless robot... OOOOHHHH" Haruko sees Ninamori leaning over, and gets the wrong idea, "I didn't you'd gotten a girlfriend. Well don't let me stop you, jeeze Ta-kun, going at it right in the middle of school, what a horny punk eh."  
"Haruko, shut the FUCK UP!!"  
Ninamori looks over embarrassed, "He was just gona serve a detention, I was gona rub it in his face."  
"Oh well in that case, your comin with me Ta-kun."  
Haruko walks over picks Naota up by the hair and drags him over to the vespa, which slammed halfway through the wall of the principles office, which reveals the principle and his brother getting to second base, Ninamori snaps a few pictures and runs off.  
"WHERE ARE WE GOING DAMMIT?"  
sigh, "We gotta find Canti, or else were in big trouble."  
"What kinda trouble?"  
"Oh you know, pain and suffering, fireball rain, Hell on earth, you know that kinda thing."  
"WHAT?!?!?!"  
  
Mark: Well that one wasn't too amazing, but hey I'm only 14 give me a break. Anyway check out the next chapter.  
  
Jon: Ya, if it isn't better than this one then it can't be any worse at least.  
  
Mark: Who the hell are you?  
  
Jon: I'm the man who live in the back of your head, I was borne from endless hours of T.V. watching and staring at walls.  
  
Mark: Wow, um, anyway before I was interrupted, checkout the next chapter, Nostalgia, I might even make a new character.  
  
Jon: OOO yay! 


	3. Interlude, DONT HURT ME!

INTERLUDE, hey sorry it's takin' so long to update, my computer crashed, then when we fixed it, the phone connection broke, anyway I'm working on the next chapter, and scholls out know soooo, YA LATE NIGHT RIGHTING!!!!!! Peace out I'll get it updated soon.  
  
Faceted Insanity 


	4. Nostalgia

Mark: Hey, sorry it took so long to update. Anyway here it is... review shoutouts!!!!!!!  
  
Yukimi the Ice Goddess: Sorry I'll try and turn up the crazy. Please don't be disappointed TT  
  
Takkun19: I started it out with his balls itching, well... because I wanted to OK!!!!!!!!!  
  
TohruKagome: Thanks a bunch buddy  
  
Mark: Ok here it is, the DISCLAIMER, I don't own FLCL at all, though I'd love to.  
  
Jon: YOU NEVER WILL YOU BASTARD!!!!!!  
  
Mark:EEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!  
  
NOSTALGIA  
  
Haruko is poking the broken Canti in the head with the head of her bass.  
  
"Aw shit, he hasn't been fixed yet, this is really bad, Xocio'll kill us, that sucks."  
  
Naota looks on wondering what the hell Haruko is talking about. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPBEEEE"And I hate it when xocio sings cotton eye joe."EEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP PPPPPPPPMUTHERFUCKERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Flashes of light emit from Canti and he floats up in the air beeps emitting wildly from him. "Yep, I fixed him, in your faces world eating bastard!" Haruko whispers under her voice with a wild grin spreading across her face.  
  
"WHAT IN THE HE"  
  
Just then a tall lean figure jumps outta nowhere and grabs Haruko and bounds off.  
  
"DAMN YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! PUT ME DOWN KNOW I'VE GOT WORK TO DO I'M NOT YOUR PERSONAL BLOWUP DOLL!" Haruko screams at the top of her lungs and then smacks the kidnapper in the head sending him flying right into Naota's head. Naota does 7 flips right in midair and lands in the bay.  
  
Naota wakes up in his room, on his bed. Leaning over him are Kamon, Ninamori(spelling?), and Haruko.  
"Eh, what in the, what happened.?"  
"Are you ok Naota?"  
"TA KUN LIVVVVVEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!"  
"Are you ok Naota son?" Kamon says, while staring at Haruko.  
"Dad, why are you rubbing your crotch?" Naota asks noticing this fact.  
"Ummmmmm well ummmmmmmmm..."  
"HEY HE'S AWAKE! Says the man from before!"  
"Scary scary scary!" Ninamori says and then jumps out of the window and falls into a pile of green liquidy dog crap. "Just like old times, eh Haruko."  
"Don't get too Nostalgic Dad, or frisky!" Naota says, remembering what happened the last time Haruko and Kamon got frisky.  
"OOOOO big word Ta-kun!"  
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?!?!" Naota screams at the man. [insert cricket chirping noises here]  
"I'm Haruko's stalker."   
Everyone: SAY WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?"  
  
Mark: Ha ha, gotcha with a cliffy! Stalker: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW that is so douchy! Mark: what did you say punk...... -- Stalker: Nothing O-O'' Jon: Who is the Stalker, who is Xocio, why did Mark feel the need to make Ninamori fall into dog poo, those answers and more in the next chapter. Stalker: REVIEW! 


	5. Valom and Xocio

Mark: Hi everyone. :waves:  
  
Jon: Mark hasn't updated in a while because he is a big douche!  
  
Mark: Nooooooooooooo it's because I have started another fic and I have a lot of ideas for it, but I can't abandon this one!  
  
Jon: Anyway time for review responses...  
  
Yukimi the Ice Goddess: Glad you liked it =D!  
  
Mahaven: Thanks a lot dude!  
  
DarkMasque: Go to Hell. =D  
  
Jon: Disclaimer, Mark owns nothing, because he is a little pile sh-  
  
Mark: SHUT UP! Now on with the next Chapter!  
  
Chapter 4 Valom and Xocio  
  
Everyone besides Haruko's announced stalker does that one anime eye twitchy thing.  
  
"You're my what?"  
"I'm you stalker!"  
"Why in the hell would you want to stalk Haruko?" Naota asks.  
"Well... because..."  
  
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUTHAFUCKA!  
  
The stalker who happened to be tall, lean, with green hair and those amber eyes like Haruko's nearly pissed his pant as he looked out the window.  
There stood a man with bright orange hair, amber eyes, and he looked like a body builder.  
Haruko got the look on her face like you would if you had just failed your final exam.  
"Aw fuck, Xocio."  
Naota, quite pissed off about weird people showing up in his house, screamed, "WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?"  
"I am Xocio, scourge of the cosmos."  
"No dude your just my cousin."  
Kamon stares at Haruko and drools.  
Naota pisses his pants he's so angry.  
"My stalker is the cousin of Xocio."  
"Yep, I am Valom, cousin to the scourge of the cosmos." The stalker said proudly.  
Xocio looked around, saw Naota, pulled out a BIG OL' banjo, and bashed Naota right in the forhead which sent him flying through the wall. Crashes could be heard in the distance.  
  
ENTER MANGA MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Zoom to a frame with Valom in it with tears welling up in his eyes and a swooshy background "Why do you always have to be so mean?!" sniff.  
  
Now a frame with Haruko looking over her shoulder yelling at the arguing cousins "Why in the name of Atomsk did you do that,"  
  
Now a swooshy background with a 'giant angry head' of Haruko's and Xocio and Valom really tiny with the anime sweatdrop. "IT'S MY JOB YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Zoom to the original frame with Valom "Ya that's was totally cruel and uncalled for you big meanie!"  
  
Now a frame with Xocio twiddling his thumbs "... well, um, you see I was planning of using him to destroy Atomsk and take his power.."  
  
Now a frame of Frylock from ATHF "What in the Hell is goin' on here Meatwad?"  
  
The same frame but with Meatwad on the ceiling "I dunno, but Ima go get my jam box cause they ain't givin me no candy."  
  
Same frame with the giant Haruko head, but without Valom. "YOU CAN'T KILL TA KUN, I NEED HIM FOR MY PLAN!"  
  
A picture of Kamon bare-ass naked "Oh wow, Haruko you must really want to fooly cooly with Naota, but he isn't here so why not MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Frame with Shake taking the wallet out of Kamon's clothes, while right behind Kamon "Well, I think I'll just leave."  
  
Soom to a frame with Haruko with her bass, Xocio with his banjo, and Valom whipping out a saxophone with them all saying "THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY TO SOLVE THIS!"  
  
Same background and view as the last one but with the anime dust cloud "FIGHT!"  
  
END MANGA MODE!  
  
Mark: Well, waddya think?  
  
Jon: I think it sucked balls!"  
  
Ninamori: :still has dog shit on her face from the last chapter: I don't know I think the Manga mode was a nice touch.  
  
Shake: I don't, I think it sucked BALLS! And, keep us outtya fics ok pal?  
  
Mark: Oh well 'sigh'  
  
Nude Kamon: What do you think, leave it in you review!  
  
Mark: LOVE AND PEACE! 


	6. Fight for the Source

Mark: Sorry it's been soooooo long.  
  
Jon: He got caught up in his other fic and totally forgot about this one.  
  
Valom: You forgot about me???  
  
Mark: Yea dude, it's not like a like you, you're my own creation.  
  
Haruko: You forgot about me ...  
  
Mark: (gulp)  
  
Yukimi the Ice Goddess: thanks for reviewing. Sorry bout the cussing.  
  
Weeeee: Nice name buddy  
  
Invisible Writer: I can't see you!

* * *

Chapter 5 or 6 something like that. Fight for the Source.  
  
When we last left are three fighting, um, what the hell is their race called? Oh well. Anyway Haruko, Valom, and Xocio were all fighting, Naota had been sent flying by Xocio's banjo, Ninomori was still in the dog shit as far as we could tell. Kamon was nude and down a wallet. Now on with the show.  
  
"TAKE THIS YOU BASTARD!"  
"OWCH! Haruko I'm on you side!"  
"Since when, I thought you were stalking me?"  
KER-SPLABANG! (yea, you wanna make fun of my sound effects?)  
Xocio had smacked his Banjo right into Valom's skull.  
"MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WILL HAVE THE BOY AND TAKE ATOMSK'S POWERS!"  
"m-my skull... can't f-feel left... side of body..."  
Haruko gets one of those vein popping things.   
"YOU SUCK XOCIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I BAT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!"  
And with that everyone's favorite psychotic pink-haired alien heroine did a jumping swing at Xocio's neck.   
"RAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGG TYME FOR REVNJ!" was the battle cry as Valom swung his saxophone right into Xocio's gut sending him out of the wall. However Valom's head was bleeding profusely and he was talking all funky.   
"4ND D0TN CUME B4K U H3R3!"  
  
15 minutes later, with Xocio...  
  
"Man, am I still flying through the air..."  
  
With Naota...  
  
"Man, am I still flying through the air-" SPLASSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   
"Ugh guess not." Ninamori pulls her face out of the water.   
"Oh, Hi Naota." (blushes)   
"Hey, Ninamori. Um, what's that brown stuff floating around this area?"   
(blushes more) "Um, nothing, nothing."   
SPLASSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
Naota(now out of the water) and Ninamori are covered in the water, and the brown stuff, that got kicked up by the splash. Naota and Ninamori both scream, "WHO THE BLOODY NAME OF SWEET VIRGIN MARY THE MOTHER OF GOD DID THAT!"   
Xocio pulls himself from the water. "Wow, that was kind of cool."  
  
At the same time... "Thanks but it was really my doing" "No, I did it." "NO YOU DIDN'T"  
  
30 minutes later... "ME" "ME"  
  
"ME"  
  
"ME"  
  
"ME"  
  
"ME"  
"Ok, you two are real cute but, I have to kill luver boy here so Atomsk will die and I can collect his scattered powers from across the cosmos."  
Naota starts to blush, "Who are you calling lover boy?"   
Ninamori's eyes start to water, "Y-you mean you don't like me? WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
Naota just stand there with a what-in-the-hell-is-going-on-here look on his face. Xocio, who is conveniently standing behind Naota, raises his Banjo behind his head.   
"THEY WILL BOW DOWN TO MY ARMY OF TELETUBBIE DEMONS!" SCREEAAAAAAAAAAACH BUMP BUMP POWWWWWWWW!  
  
A certain yellow vespa had ran straight into our villain.   
"Don't worry Ta-kun, only I get to hurt you."   
"Wow, thanks Haruko, that means a lot coming from you." He said sarcastically.   
Ninamori creeped up behind Naota with those funky looking watering eyes. "N-naota, you don't like mee?" sniff   
"No, no it's not that at all Ninamori" 'What in the hell did I do to deserve this?' Ninamori's eyes instantly cleared up.   
"Great!" Then she grasped Naota's hand.   
"W3V3 G0T U RIT WUR W3E W4NT U 0XSIOO!"   
"What's wrong with him I wond- GAH!" Just then all three aliens and Ninamori turned around to see a giant robot coming out of Noata's for-head. The Evil Robot came out and pronounced himself as Xocio's servant after a whole bunch of manical laughing. Haruko and Valom tried battling the Robot and Xocio, together they were stronger than either, but then one of them would be free to take out Naota. Haruko stood there waiting for the robot to strike it's next blow. 'Well,' she thought, 'what are you gonna do?' Haruko looked back at Naota,   
"Oh duh." She then proceeded to smack him in the for-head and sent him flying away, along with Ninamori who had had a really strong grip on his hand.   
"U C4NN0T 3SCAPY FRUM D1$ C0US1N!"

* * *

Mark: L34V3 4 R3V13W!  
  
Jon: Right... 


	7. Use the fource Naota! To get me a chocol...

Mark: Hey, turns out I wrote a couple chapters ahead!  
  
Jon: He tweeked em though to fit certain story lines.  
  
Mark: Dude, you didn't have to tell them that.  
  
Xocio: Yea, he did.  
  
Mark: TO HELL WITH YOU!  
  
Karakeha Kara: Watch out for that sinus smoke! Thanks for inviting me, and thanks for the review!  
  
Jon: She thinks I'm cool.  
  
Mark: Tch, yea, but I taste better!  
  
Jon: Grrr you know I can't read!  
  
Weeeee: Donka.  
  
Jon: Now! Introducing, SOMETHING MORE HORRIFYING THAN HITLER!

* * *

Chapter 7ish Use the fource Naota! To get me a chocolate chip cookie!  
  
Last time, on piece of crap continuation, I mean um, FLCL Returns! Naota and Ninamori had been sent flying through the air, Haruko and Valom were busy fighting Xocio and his robot slavebitch! Now on with the show!  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SCARED NAOTA! NAOTA?!!?!?!?" Naota had been knocked unconscious from Haruko's blow. Ninamori got really wide-eyed, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"ME CRUSH YOU!"  
"Shut the fuck up you douche!"  
So it was that Haruko smacked Robo- slavebitch in the forhead with her Bass and Robo-slavebitch exploded soon thereafter.   
[Mark: DAMN, don'tcha love my fight scenes!]  
[Jon: No, they suck balls.]   
[Shake: Yea they really do.]   
[Mark: You don't count Shake your not even supposed to be here.]  
  
"M3 CR00$HE UUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
"Some old-as-hell villain cliché! Mwuhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahakageeeeeeaaaaac. Damn flies" Valom charged Xocio and smacked him in the head with his saxophone, which broke.   
"D4M U M4RK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"   
[Mark: he he he]  
  
Xocio brought his Banjo up to strike the killing blow, and Valom put his hand up in defense.   
"N0 N0 N0 PL34ZZZZZ DUNT K3LL M333EEE!"   
  
Cue ding sound   
  
And then a Five-String Red with Black center Samick Bass Guitar appeared out of nowhere and into Valom's hands. "DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE OOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAA"   
Xocio hit the Bass straight on and it broke his Banjo in half and sent him flying backwards. "Whoa, how did I do that, and how did I get this kick ass bass?"   
"Duh, bass guitars are indestructible, didn't you know that?"   
"Oh yeah..."   
"OUCH, DAMN YOU TWO, NOW MY ARMY OF TELETUBBIE DEMONS, STRIKE NOW!"  
"Say what?"   
Haruko crouches down and grabs her head and starts roling around,  
"OH DAMN, IT'S WORSE THAN I PREDICTED! THIS WHOLE PLANET AND EVERYONE ON IT IS COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY BONED!"  
Then Teletubbie's appeared out of nowhere and charged towards our two hero's.   
"We want to hug you!"  
Haruko and Valom both blinked for a couple of seconds, "NO, NO, GET AWAY!" Valom halted retreating for a second,   
"Wait, I have the answer to stopping all of this!"   
"And what is that."   
"It'll cost you Haruko!"   
"Say what???"   
"Remember, I'm your stalker."   
"Whatever just, GET RID OF THEM!"   
"...kick ass... OK HERE IT IS!" Valom then pulled out a PDA with an internet connection and went to SLUTSRWE.COM and showed it to the teletubbies.   
"We're melting, we're melting!" As you probably already guessed, the teletubbies started to melt. Xocio on the other hand just ogled the screen. Valom moved the PDA around a little, and Xocio's head followed.   
"You want it? Do ya, do yaaaaaaaaa? Well me too bitch!" and Valom through the PDA straight up into space.   
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"   
Cue pop noise, and then a riding lawn mower appeared out of nowhere.   
"I'M COMING FOR YOU!" and Xocio rode out of the solar system, chasing after porn.  
  
Back at the Nandaba bakery slash household...  
  
Naota Narritive: There was another horn... Another horn like the last one. Two years, in two years I had grown, but in just two days, my life seemed nearly the same as it did two years ago, except now there were more than just Haruko...  
Naota looks up and see's Valom watching Soap Operas.  
"Why, is he here."   
Haruko came out of the bathroom.  
"He made me promise to do anything for him if he got rid of Xocio."   
Kamon got an excited look on his face.   
"I asked for hot nasty sex, but the she just broke my arm, so I said living here for a while would be good instead."  
Naota got angry at this, "And How Long Is Awhile?"   
"Until I feel like leaving really..."  
  
zoom to an outside view of the Bakery...  
  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND JUST WHERE ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SLEEP?"   
"Well, I gueeeeeeeesss the only place is, on the top bunk with Haruk-GAH, MY OTHER ARM!"

* * *

Mark: What will happen now that Xocio is off Earth?   
  
Jon: You'll have to wait till the next chapter like everyone else!  
  
Mark: grrr... :snaps his fingers:  
  
Teletubbie Demons: We want to hug you!  
  
Jon: OH GOD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mark: Review please, you know you want to click that button, and that button know it wants to be clicked...   



	8. Where the hell is my cookie?

Mark: Hi everyone!  
  
Jon: No smalltalk, I told you that once already!  
  
Mark: Thanks for reviewing Weeeee and Ultima Tech  
  
Jon: Dude I said no smalltalk.  
  
Mark: Are you forgetting, that have the power, to take you out of the cofortable seat of power that I placed you in, and throw you down in the chaos with them!  
  
Jon: heheheheheh sorry boss  
  
Mark: What???  
  
Jon: I mean Master.  
  
Mark: Good minion.  
  
Jon: And now, the next chapter of FLCL Returns!  
  
Diclaimer: Mark owns nuthin, besides Valom.  
  
Chapter 8 Where the hell is my cookie?  
  
So, he was gone, the threat to earth over. I suppose I should have thought of this as a good thing. But I don't, because that threat was what brought her back to me, even if it did drag along a jack-ass.  
  
"TV-Boy, you have to work it faster if the bread is going to come out right!"  
  
"HAHAHA OMIGOD VASH IS SO FUNNY WITH HIS DOUGHNUTS!"  
  
"... god dammit, where is a girl supposed to find toilet paper in all the sex toys, damn Monchan whaddya do with this one..."  
  
Naota looked around at the chaos that was his house, Valom watching TV, and he is the loudest TV watcher in history, Kamon and Canti are trying to make bread again, and Haruko found Kamons 'toys', he decided to go for a walk. But just as he opened the door...  
  
All at the same time,  
  
"Where you going Ta-kun? Huh, huh, where?"  
  
Naota was so aggravated he couldn't speak, it had even flashed across Canti's screen.  
  
"I'm going out for a walk."  
  
"Ooo Ta-kun, are you going to see that Eri girl that you were messing around with in school the other day?"  
  
ENTER MANGA MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! again...  
  
Zoom to a frame with Kamon standing there yelling with Valom and Haruko in the background watching. "WHAT?? NAO-CHAN YOU FOOLY COOLY IN SCHOOLY?!?!?"  
  
Now a frame with Valom who has leaned backwards from the TV "Way to go Kid!"  
  
Same frame as the first one, Kamon. "I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT MY OWN SON WOULD FOOLY COOLY IN SCHOOLY WHILE PEOPLE LOOK ON AND DROOLY!  
  
Frame with Naota looking over his shoulder and walking out of the door. "I just talked to her that's all. I am just gonna go on a walk."  
  
Frame with Kamon with a really big head, and Valom and Haruko are chibbis, plus a shoowshy background, "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD LIE TO ME LIKE THAT NAOTA, YOU LIE TO YOUR OWN FATHER WHO NAMED YOU FOR HONESTY!!!"  
  
Frame that has zoomed in on chibbi Haruko, "He's not here anymore Kamon, he left."  
  
Big-head Kamon frame, "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???"  
  
Frame that zooms in on chibbi Valom, "Yea, I bet he went to go feel up Ninamori! I'm glad I planted a spy cam on him!"  
  
Frame with Kamon jumping in the air, "OH THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!"  
  
END MANGA MODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kamon is on the floor panting, "I'm glad we get paid extra for those Manga scenes."  
  
"Wait a second Valom, how do you know Ninamori?"  
  
"That's a good question Haruko, how do I know Ninamori?"  
  
On the outskirts of Mabase...  
  
Kitsurubami came running into the main room,  
  
"Amaro, Raharu has returned, along with two other Bassians [the name I have given their race, though they may also be referred to a Rehus, like from Siblings]  
  
Amaro spit out his coffee which caused the tredmill he was on to short circuit, "WHAT, SINCE WHEN?"  
  
"About three days ago."  
  
"Who were the two other Rehus?" [told ya]  
  
"Valom Onutaku and Xocio Onutaku"  
  
Amaro spits out more of his coffee. "YOU MEAN XOCIO IS HERE, NOW! RAHARU AND VALOM TOO?"  
  
"Well, Rahura and Valom yes, Xocio left the planet from mysterious circumstances about 1 day ago."  
  
"Oh dammit, I think I've got a Mybrain headache."  
  
"Don't you mean, Migraine, sir?"  
  
"No, it's a mybrain headache, jeeze and you went to what college?"  
  
'EYEBROWS'  
  
"Listen, Kitsurubami. I think this delema would be best solved, if solved while eating a dinner."  
  
"What?"  
  
"And then maybe over a drink."  
  
'What is he getting at."  
  
"And then, maybe in bed together."  
  
"WHAT??? WHOA WHOA WHOA!"  
  
"And then maybe over a cigga-"  
  
"No sir, I will not let you in my pants."  
  
"DAMN!"  
  
A few hours later, just outside the Nandaba Bakery slash Household...  
  
Valom was outside working on his, you guessed it, vespa, but unlike P!, however, it was dark blue, and it had a sticker that said 'S!'  
  
"Hey, free-loader... stalker... alien..."  
  
Valom didn't seem to notice these at all.  
  
"... totally hot and steamy love machine-"  
  
"Word up kid, you know you look stupid with that hat on."  
  
"I couldn't help it, it may have been just a bump this morning, but I could tell it would grow."  
  
"Whatever, Owe Shit! That burns! So what did Ninamori say?"  
  
"How'd you know I was at Ninamori's? And how do you know Ninamori anyway?"  
  
"I planted a spy cam on you and I have no idea." Naota sighs and walks inside.  
  
Valom hums a tune to himself, and thinks, 'He's gonna whish he hadn't.' As he gets done thinking that a sound of something heavy hitting the floor is heard. "TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! HOW YOU BEZ?"  
  
"GET OFF OF ME HARUKO!"  
  
Mark: That's all for this chapter!  
  
Jon: What is going to come out of Naota's forhead this time? How's does Valom know Ninamori? And why is Mark letting there be two names for Rehus? Those last two will probably never be answered but the first one defiantly will! Next time on FLCL Returns!  
  
Canti: 'dammit, I can't speak, What in the? Oh, ok, right voice in my head, well then, Review 


	9. What do you mean, Out of cookies?

Mark: And we're back!  
  
Jon: Thanks for reviewing, you know who you are.  
  
Mark: But just incase you DON'T, here are your names, ...  
  
Jon: Yea?  
  
Mark: That's it.  
  
Jon: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.  
  
BANG  
  
Mark: :puts revolver back in holster: What is this like the second time I've shot you?  
  
Jon: :blood spurting out of the hole in his head: t-th-third.  
  
Mark: Oh, right, I don't own FLCL, though you probably already knew that.

* * *

Chapter 9: What do you mean, We're out of cookies?  
  
Valom, being finished with his vespa walked in the house. It had been thirty minutes since Haruko glomped Naota, and they were still on the floor. Naota was still wrestling to get free, and Haruko was still mistaking it for sex.  
  
"TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA KKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! WE CAN'T DO IT IF YOU KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!"  
  
"I'M NOT TRYING TO DO IT, I'M TRYING TO GET FREE!"  
  
"Man kid, you're a fool. I would be thanking Jesus if I was in your position."  
  
"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE STALKING HER! AND I'M NOT A KID!"  
  
"Oh, yea, right."  
  
Kamon walked in with Canti right behind him, he announced that dinner was served, Haruko looked up and asked, "What are we having Kamon?"  
  
"Curry."  
  
Valom and Haruko's eyes both got really wide, "YAY, YAY, YAY, CURRY!"  
  
Naota's eyes went real sullen, "Curry? Shit."  
  
Dinner was interesting. Haruko chowed down on the curry all speedy style, and Valom just lapped it up like a dog, both of them asking for seconds every few seconds. Canti just ate it like he always does, same with Kamon. And Naota? He just didn't eat. Thirty minutes passed and Valom got full, then another 15 minutes later Haruko finally stopped eating. She looked over at Naota with a questioning look on her face.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing."  
  
"Your looking at my forhead."  
  
"Mmm, hmmmmm."  
  
Haruko and Naota just stared at eachother for a while, then,  
  
"WHAT'S UNDER THE HAT TAKUN?"  
  
She grabbed the hat off Naota's head and a booing sound was heard. Haruko, Valom, and Kamon all looked at Naota's newest horn, the blushed and then got big evil smiles and started busting out laughing.  
  
"HAHA NAOTA'S GOT A HEAD GROWING OUT OF HIS HEAD!"  
  
"HAHAHA NAOTA SON, HOW'D YOU GET TWO OF THEM HAHA!"  
  
"HAHAHA, OH TAKUN, LOOKS LIKE WE COULD HAVE DONE IT WITH YOUR PANTS ON AFTER ALL!"  
  
Just then, much to Naota's embarrassment, Ninamori walked in and looked from the three on the floor rolling with laughter over to Naota. "OMIGOD! NAOTA WHY DO YOU HAVE A PENIS ON YOUR HEAD???"  
  
Yes, that's right, Naota's new horn, is a penis. This whole ordeal had him blushing furiously. All of a sudden, it started to grow and he cried out.  
  
"HEY KID, HA HA, GO FIND A ROOM TO YOURSELF HUH? HAHAHAHA!"  
  
"GAH, YOU IDIOT, THE ROBOTS COMING OUT!"  
  
"HA! THE KID SAID CUM! HAHAHAHA!"  
  
All of a sudden the penishorn shot out of Naota's forhead at an unholy speed and, well, a robot penis started rampaging all over Mabase. And that sounded extremely wrong.  
  
"Well, it isn't Atomsk's Talon, hah, but it'll be a fun work out."  
  
Haruko grabbed Naota and threw him on P! and rode off. Valom grabbed his new base and followed on S!.  
  
Well, whenever they got there, Valom and Haruko started beating it with their basses. And after about twenty minutes, they were easily winning, but IIB showed up.  
  
Amaro shouted into a megaphone, "Raharu and Valom, please come down."  
  
Kitsurubami just looked at him wide-eyed, "Um, sir, shouldn't we worry about the robo-penis?"  
  
"OMIGOD Kitsurubami, you have GOT to get your mind out of the gutter."  
  
'EYEBROWS!'  
  
The Robot then turned around and started shooting lasers from its, well, you can guess. It blew up all Amaro's forces and sent him and Kitsurubami flying. Haruko took this chance and hit the Robot in the balls, it blew up soon there after. Naota and Valom both griped at Haruko all the way back to the bakery about how uncool that was.  
  
"Well, that was fun, huh Takun?"  
  
"I guess, GAH!"  
  
"This could be it!" Haruko screamed as Naota fell to the floor as a giant light came from his forhead.  
  
"Hello my children."  
  
Haruko looked on disappointed.  
  
Valom stated plainly, "Nope, just Vash."  
  
"Hey, could I borrow some doughnuts, I'm aweful hungry."

* * *

Mark: Haha I brought Vash in, don't worry, he won't be coming back!  
  
Robo-slavebitch: Like me?  
  
Xocio: and me  
  
All the IIB that got blown up by the RoboPenis this chapter: and me, I mean, us, whoa, how'd we do that? GAH, we did it again. O.O''''''' Simon says Pee wee Herman married a fruit salad- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH  
  
Mark: You know you want to review.  



	10. Atomsk's Talon

Mark: Hello everyone!  
  
Jon: Thanks for Reviewing Karakeha Kara, I like reviews...  
  
Mark: I don't own FLCL. However, I do own the wonderful(O.o) characters Valom, Xocio, Robo-slavebitch, and RoboPenis. Now, here it is, the next chapter.

* * *

Why was she still here? I liked her being here, but with Xocio gone, there was no more reason to stay, except for, if she maybe, cared for me.  
  
Naota was sitting on the bottom bunk of his bed, staring at the top bunk trying to go to sleep. It was kind of hard, because Valom kept talking in his sleep, and what he thought about was rather, vulgar. Vash, who came out of his forehead last chapter, left after they gave him some curry bread with holes in it. But, it wasn't just robots coming out of his head, or hearing Valom in his dreams. Or even the fact that Haruko was back, that was keeping our main character awake. It was something that Haruko had said,  
  
"Well, it isn't Atomsk's Talon, hah, but it'll be a fun work out."  
  
Naota thought over what the hell it could mean "... atomsk's talon, hmmm..." He continued to ponder until he realized that his two roommates were staring at him intently, well, Haruko was, Valom was staring at Haruko... 's breasts.  
  
"How long have you two been staring at me, or well, you staring at me and him staring at you... r breasts?"  
  
"Since you said Atomsk's Talon and since I leaned over the edge which gave him a good view."  
  
"You did that on purpose? YES MY STALKING IS WORKING!"  
  
"No, I just now realized it, you better know that I'm gonna hurt you very badly."  
  
Valom leaned right up next to her face, she was hanging off the top bunk now, "Like, run me over with the vespa, or like hit me with your bass?"  
  
Haruko puts on a cutsy face, "Like," evil grin, "I planted dynamite in S!"  
  
Valom gets wide eyed and runs out to S! yelling NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO the whole way, Haruko just waits until he gets to S! and then press a button on a remote.  
  
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMUTHAFUCKA!  
  
Somewhere later on da outskirts of da Mabase...  
  
Amaro is sitting in front of the main computer screen, doing absolutely nothing, when he hears footsteps coming down the hall. He turns around to greet his lovely assistant for the morning, "Your late Kitsurubam-" Amaro cut his sentence short at the sight of her.  
  
"Um, boss, I don't know how it happened but... well, I'm..."  
  
"ABOUT 9 MONTHS PREGNANT BY THE LOOKS OF IT!"  
  
"I just woke up this morning like this."  
  
"Hhmmm, well who's the daddy?"  
  
"That's just it, I don't know!" several guys in the background start to sweat.  
  
"Well, whose penis did you come into contact with lately." They think for a while.  
  
"Naota's."  
  
"WHAT???"  
  
"You know, the huge RoboPenis Mark had come out of Naota's head last chapter."  
  
"Oh yea, when it shot the laser..."  
  
"So, that means that, the baby I'm carrying is a-GAH!"  
  
[Mark: We interupt your program to bring you this special news bulletin.]  
  
[Jon: The Mainstream Media is gay.]  
  
[Mark: Very Faggotish in fact.]  
  
[Jon: Now back to your program.]  
  
Suddenly, a giant structure shot out of Kitsurubami's skirt, propelling her high in the air. And then the structure stood up, it had a humanoid body and a dome for a head. Basically you could see most of its muscle, which was dark green, and it's veins, which were light green, and it had a silver metal exoframe. And the dome was made of the silver metal and had one red, glowing eye. Amaro looked at it for a second, then yelled shoot!  
  
Everyone there shot at it, it didn't pay any notice though. He looked around, and caught Kitsurubami as she fell down.  
  
"Mommy!" the leviathan bellowed in a deep voice.  
  
"M-my, MY BABY!" the two hugged and all the non-important personnel in the back 'awwww'ed. Amaro went crazy however and ordered a strike on the creation. It ran away with it's mother.  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"Yes, sweety?"  
  
"What is my name?"  
  
"Why it's Cybami of course!"  
  
"Cybami-son and Kitsurubami is my Mommy?"  
  
"Yep!" =D  
  
Back at the Nandaba Household slash Bakery...  
  
Haruko, Naota, and Kamon sat eating cereal. Big surprise there huh?  
  
"Dontcha just love this cereal." Haruko asked plainly, they all seemed very tired.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH CRAP! IT HURTS!" Valom stumbled through the door and fell down onto the floor. He was all black from the explosion. Naota looked at him with disgust.  
  
"Valom, S! blew up like 4 hours ago. The only reason your acting like that is to try and make Haruko go out with you!"  
  
"Oh, yea your right."  
  
KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMNSTUFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!  
  
Everyone looked out the door to see what the explosion was. They could see a large mushroom cloud.  
  
"LETS GO TAKUN!! Oh yea you can come along too Valom."  
  
"WAIT, WHY ME?"  
  
"YEA Haruko invited me somewhere, OH JOYUS DAY!"  
  
Haruko, like always, threw Naota on P! and drove off. Valom looked over at S! with disgust.  
  
"I can't ride that!"  
  
POP!  
  
A brand new S! was sitting right in front of him.  
  
"All right!" and then Valom drove off.  
  
In the middle of town...  
  
"Mommy?"  
  
"Yes Sweetie?"  
  
"Why are we blowing up Mabase?"  
  
"Aren't you having fun?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"That's why! It's like a birthday present!"  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY THANKS MOMMY!"  
  
"Awww anything thing for my wittle bowy!"  
  
VRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMM VRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRMMMMMMMMMM  
  
Cybami and Kitsurubami turned around to see two vespa heading towards them. Somehow, all Naota's classmates, including Ninamori, and Kamon were up town watching the destruction.  
  
"Mommy? Who are they?"  
  
"That's mean old Rahura and Valom."  
  
CRASSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH POOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW  
  
Both P! and S! ran into Cybami sending him flying backwards. Haruko and Valom both landed expertly, while Naota just kind of went splat on the road.  
  
"YOU HURT ME! YOU HURT MOMMY! ME HURT YOU!" (smart guy, huh?)  
  
Haruko and Valom did their jumping, bass swinging, thing. It kind of hurt Cybami, but not a whole lot. He was always returning punches, but he usually missed. With one he hit Valom straight on sending him flying back into the group of spectators.  
  
"TAKUN!," Haruko screamed, "Call for Canti!"  
  
"B-but why?"  
  
"JUST DO IT TAKUN!"  
  
"CAAAANNNTIIII!"  
  
We could see debris from the roof of the Nandaba Bakery slash Household and the screams of Grandpa. After a few seconds Canti landed right behind Naota. Haruko looked back with a grin.  
  
"You know what to do!"  
  
"Wait WAIT NO!" and then, Canti ate Naota up and, surprisingly, turned red and the symbol of Atomsk appeared on his screen. He turned into that gun thingy and shot at Cybami, a huge fireball engulfed Cybami, and Canti 'expelled' Naota. Of course, now IIB shows up.  
  
"What's going on here?" Amaro shouted, even though he saw the whole thing.  
  
"Shut up eyebrow boy."  
  
"Rahuraaaaa..."  
  
The smoke from the blast cleared and Cybami was decapitated in many places. However, he went all transformers and formed himself into a tank. I don't want to take the time to describe it, so, use your imagination.  
  
"Amaro, Mommy no like you, you are a bad man!" Cybamitank shot a red laser at the IIB forces, incinerating them all, except Amaro of course.  
  
Back with the spectators...  
  
"Hey Ninamori!"  
  
"Who in the hell are you?"  
  
"I'm Haruko's stalker."  
  
"Shouldn't you be helping them fight?"  
  
"Yea, but, I have this aweful bruise from when I threw the video game controller at the wall and it bounced back and hit me. So, I'm kind of on the disabled list."  
  
"I'll put you on the disabled list!" Ninamori brings a huge mallet out of nowhere and starts smacking Valom around with it.  
  
Back at the fight...  
  
Cybamitank was gloating about how invincible he was blah blah blah.  
  
"Shut up you green freak!" then Haruko flipped her bass over and started shooting bullets from it. They actually hurt Cybamitank quite badly for some reason. Then Haruko turned the bass back around to its normal position.  
  
"YOU SUCK CYBAMITAAAANKKK!!!!!!!! I BAT YOU!!!!"  
  
And she hit him with an undercut of the tank and sent Cybami and Kitsurubami flying. She turned back to see Naota fiddling with something.  
  
"Hey watcha got there Takun?"  
  
"This came out of my forehead right after I Canti shat me out." He held up a guitar that had curved horns coming out the top and bottom of the body, the curve was inwards, and the guitar was deep blood red except for the finger board and the head which were so dark black that there was no glare from the Sun, and the six strings along with a pick stuck in the finger board were stunningly silver. Haruko looked on wide eyed, "...Atomsk's Talon..." she whispered barely audible.  
  
Back at the Nandaba Bakery slash Household...  
  
She wanted this, this guitar, Atomsk's Talon. She explained to me that a long time ago Atomsk went to Bassian, her homeworld, and fought to take over the Rehus, her race. But, he was defeated by the Rehus. Because they knew the secrete to the greatest weapon in the world, bass guitars. They had planted the technology across the universe. So along with their amazing natural abilities, Atomsk was no match for their whole race. So he made his own guitar, with powers that rival his own. It was the first lead guitar. On an odd note, humans discovered lead guitars before bass guitars, unlike most of the universe. And whenever Atomsk came out of Naota, he lost his guitar. So the guitar had been floating around in Naota N.O. So, in essence, Naota had a power just as great as Atomsk.  
  
"Give it to me Takun!"  
  
"NO!"  
  
"TAAAKUUUN! GIVE ME THE GUITAR! YOU DON'T NEED IT! I DO!"  
  
"What? So you can go fight Atomsk? So you can leave?"  
  
"TAKUN! IF YOU WANT TO KEEP IT, FINE! IF YOU WOULD RATHER IIB AND MEDICAL MECHANCA AND ATOMSK HIMSELF COME DOWN HERE, TAKE THE TALON, AND THEN BLOW UP THIS WHOLE DAMNED WORLD, THEN BE MY GUEST!" Haruko said this with her eyes starting to water, "I'm leaving Takun. Goodbye." And then she walked out the door. After a while the sound of P!'s purring motor faded away. Later that day, Valom left, he said he was going to visit some friends not to far from here. But Naota knew he was going after Haruko.

* * *

Mark: Ok, your like, say what? This is a Humor fic, well, in all honesty, I'm pretty sure it's gonna end next chapter.  
  
Jon: YAY!  
  
Mark: Shut it! Please oh please review! 


	11. Takun VS Naota

Mark: This chapter has um, well, how should I put this, ANGST, and still a little bit of humor.  
  
Jon: Mark might write another FLCL fic, but probably not for a while.  
  
Mark: OK, here it is, after, well long last for me so I can put this to rest. The last chapter of FLCL Returns! Thanks to all of those who review.  
  
Jon: So here it is.  
  
FINALE! Takun VS Naota  
  
In the Nandaba Bakery slash Household...  
  
Naota sat on his bunk, strumming on Valom's Talon, listening to random stations on the radio. He was smoking cardboard from a bong made from a Sprite bottle and two silly straws.  
  
'She left again, I thought she'd stay if I had the guitar.'  
  
The radio blared, unnoticed to Naota, a very appropriate song, The Girl All The Bad Guys Want. He couldn't stop thinking about how he'd lost her again. It had taken it's toll on others as well, he had been treating his friends like shit, his father too. Tears started to well in his eyes.  
  
"DAMMIT!" Naota screamed as he slammed the guitar on his nearby desk, accidentally crushing a picture of Haruko and him, with Kamon in the background trying to molest Haruko. He just broke down and cried on the floor.  
  
On the outskirts of town...  
  
"Back in this horrid place."  
  
"Listen Xocio, we've found Atomsk's Talon, we need you to get it from this boy Nandaba Naota, Rahura and Valom will be guarding him."  
  
"So that's why you broke me out of IIB prison, alright, but what do I get in return."  
  
"Your freedom."  
  
Xocio smiled, grabbed his chainsaw, and marched off in the direction of the Nandaba residence.  
  
Meanwhile, the brokenhearted Ninamori was in front of the Nandaba house...  
  
'Well, here goes.' She thought as she knocked quietly on the door.  
  
Kamon answered, "Oh, hello Ninamori." Kamon was tired, he hadn't slept in nights, at first it had been because Haruko had left, then when he had seen what it had done to Naota, he had gone insomniac.  
  
Up in Naota's room...  
  
"Is Naota home?"  
  
"Yes, but he's in his room and whenever I call, he doesn't come down."  
  
Naota had cried himself to sleep but had been awoken by Ninamori's knock on the door, and was now listening to the conversation his father and the girl whose heart he stole were having. "Too bad I already had my heart stolen, or I'd open up to her." He whispered to himself.  
  
"I see."  
  
"Would you like to come in and I'll see if I can't get him to come down."  
  
"Yes thank you."  
  
Naota took quick action.  
  
Kamon knocked on the door, "Naota?" Not hearing a response he opened the door to find the lights out and Naota 'asleep' on the bed. Both knew that it was just an excuse for Naota not to talk, and they both knew that the other knew as well. Kamon just closed the door and went downstairs and told Ninamori that he must have fallen asleep. Ninamori,  
  
cried.  
  
'GAH, YOUR SUCH A PIECE OF SHIT NAOTA! YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER!'  
  
'Yes, but the ones I have for Haruko are so much stronger, that there's no comparing the two.'  
  
'YOU SHOULD MARCH DOWN THOSE STAIRS AND KISS NINAMORI!'  
  
'But Haruko might come back.'  
  
'HARUKO MIRACULOUSLY CAME BACK ONCE, SHE WON'T COME BACK AGAIN!'  
  
'But I have the Talon, she wants that power.'  
  
'OBVIOUSLY SHE DOESN'T WANT IT THAT BAD, SHE LEFT AGAIN DIDN'T SHE?'  
  
"she was crying..."  
  
'AND SO IS NINAMORI!'  
  
Naota continued to argue with himself for some time until he couldn't hear anything because his thoughts were so loud. Until on large screech broke through.  
  
"NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
Naota sat up instantly hear Ninamori's cry.  
  
"Silence girl. Now where is your lover?"  
  
Naota recognized the voice. His eyes narrowed to slits in the darkness of his room, his hand flew to the Talon. He then, in his boxers, marched downstairs into the kitchen, to face the Scourge of the Cosmos.  
  
"How about you old man? WHERE IS HE?"  
  
Kamon stared into the orbs of malevolence staring down at him without fear, and spat out at the monster, "I would die before I betray my son."  
  
Xocio laughed as he said, "So be it!" He revved up his chainsaw and sliced through Kamon just as Naota came busting into the kitchen. Xocio looked up, "Ah, there you are. See what your hiding has done?"  
  
Naota looked at his fathers dieing body, and at Ninamori's unmoving corpse. An anger unlike any other he had ever experienced before welled up inside him, his animalistic side seemed to grow by leaps and bounds and all his teeth seemed to sharpen and his pupils to become vertical slits. He grasped the Talon tightly and it began to pulsate.  
  
When Naota spoke, his voice was an odd mixture of treble and bass mixed with an odd growl, "I am going to eat your heart while it is still beating in the sad remains of your dieing corpse."  
  
The threat sent death cold shivers through every nerve of Xocio's alien body. His every instinct told him to run for his life, and his own survival was his whole world. However, his brain knew that it was either kill this boy and live free forever, or run and survive in a dark prison of solitude for all eternity. So he summoned all his will and charged the boy. Both fighters knew there was no need for words or battle cries, this was a cold dark fight for survival, both lacking any dignity or feelings of remorse for anything they could imagine. The prize was on each of their minds as they flew and fought in the raining night skies above the house. To Xocio the prize was to get out alive, to Naota the prize was to kill Xocio, no matter what happened to him, this gave Naota the reckless abandon needed to use Atomsk's Talon to it's full power.  
  
After a few short minutes both our contenders where on their last legs, bleed profusely, if either one made another charge, both would die. Knowing this, Naota looked up with determination, and knowing this, Xocio looked up with the horror and the torture knowing his life was doomed, the only thing that had mattered to him in his whole being was about to be destroyed, and he realized that going to prison would have been the better decision. Naota ran deftly to his doom, and victory.  
  
"Stop Naota!"  
  
Naota halted with eyes wide and tears now streaming down his face. He was embraced bye the women he loved.  
  
Ninamori awoke to the sounds of the battle raging in the sky, she watched in horror as the demonic Naota fought the beast, who now seemed less evil than the man she loved. She watched in horror up until the final charge of Naota, and then she saw her stop him, then embrace him, and then he embrace her back. She cried, and then passed out.  
  
"Haruko why'd you call me Naota."  
  
"You are no longer a boy Naota, you have felt the greatest sorrow of losing the thing that matters most to you, and then after that, losing things you then realize where more important all along. You were all alone, and willing to die to avenge your sorrow, DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN NAOTA! I WON'T LET YOU DO THAT AGAIN!"  
  
"Please, don't call me Naota.."  
  
"Make up your goddamn mind already!"  
  
The two sat down in the rain and enjoyed eachothers embrace as Xocio took the time to recuperate.  
  
Haruko noticed this and ran off with Naota in her arms, she whistled for P! and she flew off with him, her rickenbacker and the doubleneck and the Talon, to the center of town.  
  
"Haruko, why'd you come back?"  
  
"Couldn't leave ya hanging."  
  
"WHY ARE YOU TAKING OFF YOUR CLOTHES THERE ARE PEOPLE AROUND HERE YOU KNOW!"  
  
"There's the boy we all know and love."  
  
The two made love right there in the middle of the street. People walked by wide-eyed and did that dissapearing thing with the pop noise.  
  
Afterwards Naota sat up, completely healed.  
  
"Why did having sex with you heal all my wounds?"  
  
"Why wouldn't it? Now quick you see that purple light?" she pointed to a purple light a few hundred yards away.  
  
"Yea."  
  
"There is the leader of Medical Mechanica. Go there and fight him while I take on Xocio."  
  
"You can't beat him alone."  
  
"She won't be."  
  
Naota turned around to see Valom, but that's not who he saw. Instead he saw Crobdan, Haruna, Ryoko, Akiyoshi, Momo, Annabelle and all the other odds and ends that are related to Haruko, even those that are impossible because Naota's only 14 right now, and hasn't had a child yet.  
  
"We'll help her fight!"  
  
"See NaottttttttttTakun, I'm in good hands."  
  
"You almost called me Naota that time."  
  
"I don't know what the fuck your talking about." And then he ran off towards the purple light, somehow he had a pair of baggy jeans on now, along with his boxers and Atomsk's Talon.  
  
The Haruhara's turned around to face the chainsaw wielding Xocio Onutaku. They were about to fight, when one more person entered the fray.  
  
"Hey cous."  
  
"Valom, you can help me fight these pathetic Haruharas."  
  
"No can do."  
  
"You know I'm never gonna have sex with you Valom."  
  
Valom smiled at Haruko's comment. "Yea I know, your gonna end up with Naota, he's real young but, he'll grow I guess. But I'm taking my cousin on, by myself."  
  
"Don't be stupid Valom, no need to be heroic, let us help you."  
  
"No, he'll kill you, he won't be able to beat me."  
  
"HE'S STRONGER THAN ME YOU DOUCHE, AND I'M THE STRONGEST ONE AGAINTS HIM!"  
  
"Yea, but our grandmother, Ganashi Onutaku, was a Rehus Gypsy, she told us that I would be the one to vanquish Xocio." (just in case your wondering, if their dads were brothers, then they could have the same Grandma.)  
  
The two exchanged swings of their weapons until they were nose to nose, the chainsaw against the bass, sparks flying off the two mighty weapons.  
  
"You know Ganashi was a crazy old lune don'tcha?"  
  
"HOW DARE you talk of our GRANDMOTHER like that! You took her life and her power, then you stole her yearn just to piss on her ashes, HAVE YOU NO HEART?"  
  
"Tch, you know I have four, My own, My Mothers, My Fathers, and Our Grandma's!"  
  
"YOU KILLED AUNT YASI AND UNCLE MALAN?"  
  
"Yes, and they tasted good, dear cousin, as I'm sure yours will too!"  
  
"Wow this is getting good, CROBDAN GO GET POPCORN!"  
  
"Yes dear sister!"  
  
"You are going to regret everything you've done to our family."  
  
"And when will I? You green haired freak!"  
  
"How about right now, you orange haired, cumguzzling, asslicking, cuntfaced, douchebag!"  
  
A chorus rang up from the Haruharas, who were all sitting in theatre seats and munching on popcorn, "Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"  
  
Valom then threw Xocio backwards with a kick and he spun around and sliced off his evil cousins head, killing him instantly.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAY MORE POPCORN CROBDAN!"  
  
"Aw great, now my whole family is ordering me simultaneously."  
  
As Valom limped back to the Haruharas, Haruko got up and gave him a kiss on the cheek for winning, Valom the proceeded to bounce around the street.  
  
Naota walked up to the crater in the middle of the beach shore.  
  
The purple glowing man stood up. "Hello Naota, I've been waiting for you."  
  
"And who the Hell are you." Naota said in a quiet razor sharp voice.  
  
The man turned around, why, I'm you of course." And indeed, it was a taller, older, purple glowing Naota.  
  
"WHAT, HOW, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL?"  
  
"Nothing, I'm you Naota, your opposite, your yang, your yami, your darkside, you negative, your evi-"  
  
"Yea, yea, I got you when you said opposite, now shut up and die."  
  
"But how can you kill yourself Naota?"  
  
"Simple, I'm not Naota, I'm Takun!" and then he threw the Talon at his opposites throat, killing him.  
  
Epilog:  
Haruko stayed with me until I was 18, then we immediately got married and took our honeymoon to the center of the milky way galaxy. All of the Haruharas returned to their respected stories before their creaters noticed them gone and attacked Mark for using them. Valom spent a few years as Dad's business partner, turned out he lived, then he went to Bassian and got married to a pretty young Rehus and had twenty kids, he sends us postcards every Christmas. Ninamori got over me, but we are still good friends. She started her own business, of selling gay pornography. The cover of her first magazine had the pictures she had taken their principle and his brother going at it in chapter 2. Masashi and Gaku became her assistants. Canti still serves us to this day, and Haruko finally taught him how to make Curry. Kitsurubami raised Cybami like a mother would any other child. You should have seen him on the playground at Kindergarden. Amaro repeatedly tried to capture Haruko, he gave up after the 42nd failure. He now owns that old convienent store, y'know, the one with Crystal Pepsi. Tasku is now a big baseball star for the American team, the Cardnles or something. Through some divine intervention he and Mamimi found eachother and got married. Things stopped coming out of my head, we have two kids going on three, we still have the Rickenbacker and the doubleneck, but Atomsk's Talon disappeared mysteriously one night. I never did figure out where that purple freak came from, but I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. Anyway, life is back to normal here in Mabase, nothing exciting ever happens hear, everything is ordinary, and I couldn't be happier.  
Yours truly,   
Takun 


End file.
